A place to call my own...

Nah... not my own HOUSE. I tried to bring up the idea once and was reprimanded by my dad. "What for you want to buy your own house? Don't want to take care of us already kah?" says he... so... though i yearn for my own nest, maybe not now...

Picture courtesy Mr. Google

1st Feb will mark a new beginning in my 35th year.  When I asked God for a time of pondering, reflecting and planning for the rest of my life end of last year, little did I know what I am getting myself into.  With the company closing down, I'm being nudged (more like pushed!) into the unknown.  Into the world where I have a choice - to take up another job or....

Picture courtesy Mr. Google

Last week I was in Miri for Bestie's 40th week of pregnancy. We went to this eating place and because the shop had problem with their electric fuse, we were directed to a place next door - laundry + eating place. Whilst it was weird to eat with the strong detergent smell, the place was tastefully and simply decorated - all white, simple dash of colours here and there - but most importantly a long window panel which I thought would display baking produce oh so beautifully! At that moment, I wished I had a good phone with a good camera! But I didn't... so it's just etched in my memory till I go to Miri again.

Picture courtesy Mr. Google

It's been a dream to open something up... no need to be so fancy - just a few tables and chairs.  A coffee-warm oven-smelling place where at 6am, groggy individuals can walk in to be greeted by a warm chubby friendly face (yours truly - chubby?  yeah, right!), grab their first drug of the day, and some sandwiches for the kids (if any) and for themselves in the office, or some cakes for teatime treats.  Or a place where kids can come by after school to the back of the store to the music room to jam (after they complete their school work that is) - and also a place they can work during the holidays.  A place that people can have cozy private intimate gatherings with good barbeques at night - without having to clean up their own home!

Picture courtesy Mr. Google

Well, normally, these thoughts will be balanced up with the logic of - it will be more cost effective to start home business - something people can order online, and it being delivered.  But on days like this, the yearning is so great, that tears can hardly calm the heart.


Picture courtesy Mr. Google

Too much watching Princess and the Frog bah this kan? :)


Inside's Tiana's Palace - Picture courtesy Mr. Google

Name them one by one...

Sometimes, when jiwa so the very kacau... the best thing to do is to COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!

Enjoy the song! :) 

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Yeah... it's been ages since I've updated my blog... AGES.... since end of Jan, so many restrictions has been implemented in the office which also includes a block on all .blogspot sites.  Bugger.  Reason enough for me to "stop" blogging for a while eh?



 Last night, the King of this ship woke me up.  The beautiful Dawn Threader of Narnia.  He knew I was losing control of my voyage as I purposely throw myself overboard in the stormy nights (and days).

 We were out, as the calm sea was gently rolling in sweet peacefulness when suddenly He rushed to the bridge and I knew that a storm was on it's way.  Get up!! He says... Get up!!

Once in Uni days, we played a game, where we were to tape a piece of paper on our back, and people are to write positive things about us.  A very good friend of mine drew a big ship, labelled her Doulos and wrote "Setabah Doulos" on my piece of paper.  Nah... I'm never setabah Doulos, nor am I setabah Logos Hope, but one day, when I meet my King, (though He won't be this handsome bloke!) I hope, I will see Him smiling down at me and say...

That's enough fighting child... it's time for you to cross over and rest beyond the sea now....







The Bigger Picture...

Recently, there've been many discussion on where the ministry is headed to... what our group of leaders would call - The Bigger Picture... With so many discussion about the future going on, I can hardly aviod think of where my directions will be as well... Mana mau pigi ni?? What is MY bigger picture??




Oh 2012, what do you have in store for me?

Giving thanks... needs practice

Our 7 yr old Wira has been giving us, not one, not two, but MANY headaches... and heartaches. 1st, it decided to burst a tyre, then have it's whole engine collapse and just a few hours ago...

Mom's sms: D wira motor kipas rosak nd 2 chge. duit lagi

Me: That day overhaul didn't change

Mom: That day not rosak myb

Me: aduh, puji tuhan jak lah

Mom: Auk thats what daddy say

It takes quite a bit of practice this verse of old... but just gotta do it anyways (especially time time tengah bulan ni...)

1 Thessalonians 5: 16 - 18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Just wanna run away...

I long to pack up my bags as just say goodbye to this time and place. To wander to a totally strange and new land - a place where no one knows me. To start anew. Just to be who I really am.

Though I know every nook and crany has got it's own share of up and down, I still long to do it.

Aiyah... I'm already way pass my 30s... shouldn't I be more sure of myself by now?

Take me home country roads...

Went back down the dusty road again for a "instant" trip last weekend... Missing the solitude terribly even before my feet touched back to where I'm suppose to belong....

wishing I can just simply submit my letter, pack my bags and disappear to the ends of the earth...

Oh... and this was the reason I went back for the instant trip... It was well worth the long, bumpy, straining journey... Majority 473 - I'd like to think the "3" was my mom, my bro and I :) Photo courtesy.

Compromise

Do you see green flowers? Or green tall grass?... Or both?

When do we draw the line to say - enough!! no grass allowed in the flower beds!!! Or do we say, let the grass grow to fill the flower beds along side the flowers else the bed will look too empty?!

Give and take? Where do we draw the line?

Watch out that no one deceives you - Matthew 24:4

Apa Khabar?

How do we translate this phrase - Apa Khabar? How are you? Maybe... what about literally? Apa = What? Khabar = news? What's the news?

There's a story about a big prison where the inmates morale were really low. The Commander of the prison knew how demoralized the inmates were, but there's little room for him to do anything to improve. Despite this, one day, he called everyone to the center court and made an announcement. "INMATES.... today, I have a couple of news for you - but one is good news, and another is bad news - which would you like to hear first?"

"THE GOOD NEWS!!!" answered the crowd. "Okay..." said the Commander. The good news is, today, everyone of you will get a new underwear". YEAY!!!! YAHHOOOO!!!!! HURRAYYY!!!!! Shouts of joy roared from the inmates - of which many have not had a change of underwear (i.e. not more than 1) for years. After the commotion died down, someone asked - "so Sir, what's the bad news?". Without answering directly, the Commander pointed to different persons around - "You, give your underwear to him. You, change yours with him, you - with this man here" and on and on he went.

Well, true, each person DID get a new underwear, didn't he? But then the Commander didn't say it's BRAND new, did he?

It's like that most of the times isn't it ?- a good news is somehow, always linked to a bad news. And vice versa.

Like this little girl - the bad news is, she lost all the hair - but the good news is, she's on the way to full recovery from Leukemia.

It really depends on the perspective from which we are looking at things... May we all have insights on both the good news and the bad news that we do not loose focus our balance and our hope.

So..... tired!!

Can I just drop dead and sleep many days away...???

Aaron and Hur needed....

Apa bahan doa ko Dy? I doa puasa for you k.... One of my Aaron & Hur asked without her knowing that I was struggling so much with the Planning for the year to come.

Doa utk u tis mrng... Another Aaron and Hur smsed me early this morning, without her knowing that last night I cried myself to sleep, stressed out by the Planning and Budgetting needed to be finalized and presented tonight.

It's a big day today, will need to face the Elders and lay out planning and budgeting for the coming year in the Ministry. It's the budgeting that I'm worried about. I pray that I can pass on the passion for the congregation to justify the $$ budgetted.

There must be a reason why I am put where I am. But I know I won't be able to do it alone. I need all the Aaron and Hur support I can get. Thanks for holding my hands and I go through this - you know who you are.

When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

Exodus 17:12

K.N.I.F.E.

K – Know ye
N – Not
I – I
F – Feel
E – Excruciating pain

Was making some ganache using chopped chocs (will post about making ganache some time soon). Then Noel pointed out that the chocs was heart shaped. I didn't even realise this - it was not done purposely.


Sometimes it feels like this doesn't it? Words, actions, etc can pierce one's heart pretty deep. And the pain... ooucchhh....

I'mmmm dreaming of a whhiiittteee Christmassss

Yeah, yeah... the grass always seems to be greener on the other side, and home is best... I know, I know... but it ain't wrong to dream eh?

And right now, I'm dreaming off faraway lands, cold and chilly, off being huddled up against warm lights and the festivities warmth.

Of this...


Or this...

Maybe... one sweet sweet day.... Sigh... It IS okay to dream.... *while listening to Boney M's "The 20 Greatest Christmas Songs".

Images courtesy of http://www.centraleasteurope.com/offers/krakow_christmas_market.htm

When life gives you lemon...

I've baked these pretty often... including many orders or for own consumption. So often up to a point where I thought... well, at least I THOUGHT I didn't have to refer to the recipe anymore.

One day, I mixed the dough without looking at the recipe and the buns turned out harder than usual (and it was SO salty). The first thoughts would be - the yeast went flat. And those buns were for orders!!! Yikes! Made another batch, and again - harder-than-usual+ salty. I thought perhaps this time I didnt knead them long enough (but it passed the window pane test leh....) So took out a new packet of yeast, mixed another batch.

Scratching my head, while waiting for the dough to proof, I went back to the recipe and reread word for word. Then.... *hitting head with hand* SUGAR!!!! I FORGOT TO PUT IN SUGAR!!! Haha... Super sillyness if you'd like to call it that!

Anyway... sticking true to the cliche of "when life gives you lemon...", my mom and I didn't want to waste another batch of 500grams of flour so we cracked our head and TADA... these came out :)


That's right... doughnuts (a.k.a. Donut). For the longest time ever, I've wanted to make donuts but the long process detered me... So this was a pleasant re-route. The donuts were fluffy (yes, the yeast is proven to still be alive) and crunchy and the saltiness didn't bother us as we have Icing Sugar covering... YUMMY!

We really enjoyed these and I must say... the same goes with our lives eh? Sometimes (well, most of the time), things don't go exactly the way we plan it to be... and when that happens, we just need to make the best out of it and enjoy it to the best that we can... perhaps, it will too, turn out to be crunchy to the bite, soft on the insides, sweet with the sugar we coat it with and oh, a yummy experience we can smile from...

Bikin kesian ini anak eating near drain! Pintu dapur bah ni... :)

How things change...

Had a chance to go to KL for a very very short trip recently. Nothing much, but managed to go on the customary Komuter ride to MidValley. Heard in the papers about the "Women only coach" but it's a different thing hearing about it compared to experience it. I was pleasantly reminded of this by the signs on the railtrack floors.

Perhaps I went on a workday, so the crowd was very thin. Not much jostling. I'm not sure if that's because it's a work day or if it's due to the "women only coach". I believe it's because of the former as there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that women can get crazy! What bugged me though was the fact that the "guard" of the "women-only" coach was a guy! I'm not sure what is the reason to this choice. Is it because, any male rascal trying to ride the special coach would be afraid of a male guard (and would totally ignore the warnings of a lady guard) or is it because, there's simply no lady guard available. I had to secrectly take this photo - I wanted to show the pink label on the Komuter's window to prove to you it's a women-only coach :)

MPH in Midvalley used to be one of those places that I love to go to get my Churchy books and resources. I needed some stuff from there and marched purposely to where I know I would find them (time was tight on this trip). Lo and behold!! What greeted me was not the familiar, but instead heaps upon heaps of resource belonging to my Ishmael cousins were proudly on display. With a heavy sigh, I asked where the section were relocated to, and further disappointed came when I saw that it was at the furthest unwanted end, with only a sorry, minimal resources left.

It's different now. It's almost scary.

If we hold on together... Dy's side of the story

Don't lose your way with each passing day

You've come so far, don't throw it away

Live believing, dreams are for weaving

Wonders are waiting to start

Live your story,

Faith hope and glory

Hold to the truth in your heart

Last month, this beauty introduced the www. to her beautiful sisters and her wonderful choir team. I had the priviledge to meet this amazing group of energy (her choir that is) last nite and to listen to them belting out both a patriotic song and a motivation song. "If we hold on together" from The Land Before Time is now officially stuck in my head (in a good way).

Her Max... he is one of a kind. Really. A wonderful considerate conductor, one so musically talented, with ears of the leeches (he can even hear when someone steals a breath at the wrong places), one who knows when his team is tired - when to start and when to stop, one who motivates with his total faith in the group. His openness to share his story on why he chose the song seems to make his team ever more inspired to convey the message of hope and keeping the faith.

Her Kiko... a really good looking guy (so fair!!), sweet smile, magical talented fingers on the keyboard. Soft, shy confidence coming up to us and talking with us.

Her boys... such strong, deep, powerful voices. Voices with assurance that lulls one into a land where nothing could go wrong.

Her girls... Sweet voices, each face deep down inside telling their own stories, their own hopes and dreams, their own struggle through their song.

Put all these significant elements together, you get a wonderful team of "we-know-we-are-not-perfect-but-we-will-give-our-best" group. Really, when you have that kind of teamwork, what else can you ask for. All the best Young Ones. Hold on together and together, you will beat the other 3 teams! Go, tell your story!

Gotta hold on to our dreams. Gotta. Hold on together. With those around us, and most of all, with Him.

If we hold on together

I know our dreams will never die

Dreams see us through to forever

Where clouds roll by, for you and I

Is it true?

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

Dry as a desert

My poor blog... My poor, poor blog... Sigh... What's this called? This... emptyness, this... mental block... this... DRYNESS... Writer's block I believe it's called? Yes... yes... that's what I'm suffering from at the moment... Sigh.

I have been extremely physically drained lately. I still bake every now and then, but just the usual stuff and not with the usual every-night-craze any more. The latest bake would be an Orange Butter Cake, last night, one the request of my dearest mother, but didn't have the energy to snap photos (and the lack of props propels me futher into my sea of energyless-ness [is there such a word?]). I'll see what I can do on the photo later tonight.

I was driving home on a rare day that I leave the office when there's still light and I saw this. Stopped my car at the road side and yet again tried to capture the beauty with my mobile camera - this totally does not justify the beauty - but it will do. The mixture of beautiful colours in the sky, the rippling clouds, the majestic mountain at the far end, the calming greenary, the steady and consistent promise of the street lamps makes the long road ahead seems bearable. I spent a couple of minutes more being still and quiet in the car, just to be in awe of the Creator. Just to be.

It's the sunset of the year now. It's almost ending. Amazingly fast. The busy season is back. With weddings, exams, holidays, meetings and plannings for 2011 whole year activities - both personal and church and Christmas coming up, everything goes into a frenzy of activities, every night is a meeting after another. This is just like all the elements of the photos above eh? All the elements that seen separately, might not be too pleasing to the eyes, but put together, makes us to just be still and quiet before Him. Because the long road ahead IS bearable, with our eyes focused on Him.

And I shall quote a dear friend "Next year will be much better than this year". Amen.

Happy Weekend Peeps. Lots love.