Going deeper into the river - Murud 5 - finale

So what have I learnt in this trip you will ask... Not sure if I can recall all that I've learnt, I am sure I will have more to come (i.e. edited version) but for now, here goes...

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1.  We all can be "stubbornly nice"
In the trip, an Uncle had a very bad knee problem but he still insisted on carrying a whole load of bags and would refuse any kind of hope - even an offer to carry his camera bag.  Stubbornly nice.  An amoi from the town who looked and is weak insist on sitting at the back of the hilux when you know she's gonna fall of from the bumps and the wind and that she hates dust.  Stubbornly nice.  Same amoi who weighs about 40kgs, insist on pulling me up or helping me down - not that it matter, if I'm not more than double her weight.  Stubbornly nice.  And yours truly, insisting on sleeping outside the tent the whole trip, on carrying own backpack + content for other people though I think it weighs more than 5kgs, on riding at the back hilux / pickup, on carrying own luggage bag though it's like 10 kgs in total + mud.  Yes, stubbornly nice.  The amoi said, I have deep down issues - of rejecting people's help - really?  Maybe, because I've learnt since at least 10 years ago to be strong, never to let anyone see my tear, or hear my sighs.  I learnt that I shouldn't let anyone look down on me just because I am a woman.  I learnt to brave it all.  Heck, at 8 months pregnant I was still climbing up Mount Singai and climbing up diesel tanks to check on my diesel supplies.  Do I have deep down issues?  Perhaps.  But then again, Galatian 6: 9 - 10 says "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.  So... it ain't gonna stop me from being stubbornly nice.  (Yes, I know, I need to learn to receive as well)

Here I am, being stubbornly nice - carry backpack load for 2 person.  Honestly, I was totally OK with the load!

2.  We all can adapt to the surrounding - but at our own pace.
Some of us could adapt immediately to the dirty-looking (but clean) water, freezing temperature, lack of food immediately.  Others, adapts slower.  Nonetheless, in the end, we all will get to "adaptation" point.  So give each one their own rightful space and time.

Here's our water source.  For everything lah - cooking, drink, mandi, toilet.  Water from tanah - got also sungai source.  But all natural "chinese-tea" colour.  Here the freezing-cold pond is used for baptism as well. Some people didn't want to drink the water at first :D

3.  We all tolerate different things at different times.
I hated the hike ups but can easily tolerate and maneuver muddy trails.  I know a certain friend who is a total opposite.  But we hiked up together pretty well.  That's what makes us, the family of God unique.  We need to use that to strengthen the Body; not tear it apart with our differences.

A glimpse of the muddy trail - taken from a friend's FB (tq Suilin)

4.  We all need to "re-open" our hearts to be more hospitable.  Love.  Unconditionally.
Being a city person, it's very hard to being hospitable without grumbles.  But I've re-learnt how to just open up and warmly invite others into one's family embrace.  I think, by nature, we are that way.  Open, trusting, welcoming.  And yet, with time and situation, we become cold.  It's time to rediscover that openness. 1 Peter 4: 9 - Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Thank you family for showing me this.

Ukab's dad, giving his welcome speech during the dinner when we returned from Mt. Murud.  What have we done to deserve such hospitality.  2 wildboars awaited us!

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5.  I really want a good camera and be good at taking pictures with it.

Some friends says I’m “late” in catching the wave of a craze e.g. Korean Drama series.  After other people cool down from the K-drama fever, only then did I begin mine.  And I realized, it’s the same with wanting a good camera as well.  My friend’s toys I reckon are packed somewhere at the back of their storeroom by now, and I have yet to want to own one.  However, during the time in Murud, I was privileged to be able to “steal” using an Uncle’s camera – I don’t know if he minded or not, I just assume that it’s OK (I know, my bad).  Well, I would never dare to do that with a friend’s camera – coz I know it’s like life and death but I felt that I needed to capture the shots when he was not able to.  It must have irritated him a whole lot.  After getting used to that camera, I felt no desire to use my smallish camera or my mobile anymore; thus explaining the lack of photos for this trip.  I found that I was not able to capture the moments, the atmosphere even with bigger cameras, what more with the small tiny one I had.  Well, it’s one thing to own a good DSLR, it’s another to be able to get good shots with it.  Seeing photos taken by both my awesome Uncles made me desire one even more.  So yes, hopefully next trip will see me having one and being able to capture good shots.  But I doubt I will be ready to lug the camera up the mountain like that certain Uncle did with so much care.  We’ll see.

One of the shots by Uncle # 1, of Uncle #2 and a very good looking old-ish uncle.  Good camera = Nice shots.

6.  I am a very jealous person – and I need to keep that in check

This fact I’ve known for the longest time.  That I am a very jealous person.  I get jealous over anything and everything – even the tiniest details.  Anything that threatens my position.  I was jealous many times during the whole trip, sometimes I was able to keep that in reign but unfortunately, most of the time, it was effort in vain.  I know many a times a certain honest friend would really give anything to knock some senses into my head (with a very hard piece of firewood!).  A fast reading of my palm’s jealousy line shows that I’m not a jealous person (I think it’s about 30% ONLY).  So…  Come on Di, get a grip. Love is patient, Love is kind.  It DOES NOT ENVY…. (1 Cor 13: 4 – 8).  Praying hard - need to act hard as well.

No pix for this point.  I'd hate to see my jealous face captured on camera!

7. I used to be a more pleasant person

Did life turned me into a cold hearted person?  I’m not too sure.  I have always thought that I wore my feelings on my sleeves, but after this trip, I find that many of that “emotions” are negative ones – anger, bitterness.   I used to be known as a friendly person during my younger days, one to smile readily on any occasion, at any time, in any situation.  I pray that after some surgery on the Mountain, I am ready to be my “old” pleasant self.

No pix for this as well! I'd hate to see my grouchy face captured on camera as well!

8.  I am a loner

Oh my! Since when???  It must be the age.  Yes, I still love having friends, but sometimes, I love being alone, listening to my own thoughts, or just being me.  No wonder, there's rarely any music in the car, there's long alone walks in the park, the continuous ironing - just for the sake of silence and being with only myself.  Don't get me wrong, I savour being with friends, but I don't mind my own company too :)  I especially savour the cool crisp night when we returned from Murud, sitting under the moon with a few dogs by my feet.  I should have went out to sit there alone earlier.

It was a beautiful night when we came down from Murud.  The moon was sooooo... amazing.  I missed the dogs who sat out in silence with me :D

9.  Forgiveness is a mere shoulder tap and a hug away

For the past 6 years, I had a terrible bitterness towards a certain person in my heart.  I tried hard to forgive and forget, but it just won’t go away.  Imagine my horror when I found out that this person is on the Mountain Trip as well!  I tried as much as I can to ignore all his biting comments, the “i-know-it-all” remarks and just be a peace.  But it was useless.  God wanted it a different way that I did.  Out of the 700 participants, it is “weird” that I bump into this person during the reconciliation session.   Just BUMP! HOW CAN IT BE?  I kept screaming at God – YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  But in a split second, my fingers on lightning speed decided to think on its own and tapped this person shoulder and as he turned around, at a look of his teary face, a hug went across.  My mouth too seems to have a mind of it’s own uttered over and over – mutuh do’ uih ko (I am sorry).  And we wept.  He wouldn't say it, wouldn't ask for forgiveness, but I don’t really care.  It was as healing as it possibly can be and I am healed despite him not apologizing.  For all I know, he might not realize it.  But his bitter wept said it all.  It’s done.  Forgiven.  I am ready to start anew.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  Thank you for Your Healing touch Lord.

God

10.  He answers our deep down cries - be it ready or not
Each person who went up had their own story to tell.  Some came with expectant hearts.  Some, didn't even know (or were too busy to know) that it's a Revival Meeting and came with no expectations at all.  But, God met us there.  He answered to our individual needs and all went back refreshed and revived in our own way.  I wanted to hear Him and I did.  Loud and clear.  Now I am ready for 2014 - God willing.  The next 4 months will be a time of preparation for 2014.  I know if He wants me to do what He's set me to do, He will give me joy and strength.

Though the road ahead may be winding, uphill and muddy, bah, biarlah, if it's God who leadeth me - maka tenanglah hatiku :)

It was an amazing trip.  Till today, I have yet grasp or able to capture the trip with words.  One thing for sure, Murud (and Ba Kelalan).... I will be back.