Going deeper into the river... Murud Song

He is there waiting for each of us... Are we ready to surrender everything?  

Yeah.... I have a problem with that too... Hang in there mates.  He will give us strength!  Slowly,, ankle deep, knee deep, waist deep, over the head deep!

Going deeper into the river - Murud 5 - finale

So what have I learnt in this trip you will ask... Not sure if I can recall all that I've learnt, I am sure I will have more to come (i.e. edited version) but for now, here goes...

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1.  We all can be "stubbornly nice"
In the trip, an Uncle had a very bad knee problem but he still insisted on carrying a whole load of bags and would refuse any kind of hope - even an offer to carry his camera bag.  Stubbornly nice.  An amoi from the town who looked and is weak insist on sitting at the back of the hilux when you know she's gonna fall of from the bumps and the wind and that she hates dust.  Stubbornly nice.  Same amoi who weighs about 40kgs, insist on pulling me up or helping me down - not that it matter, if I'm not more than double her weight.  Stubbornly nice.  And yours truly, insisting on sleeping outside the tent the whole trip, on carrying own backpack + content for other people though I think it weighs more than 5kgs, on riding at the back hilux / pickup, on carrying own luggage bag though it's like 10 kgs in total + mud.  Yes, stubbornly nice.  The amoi said, I have deep down issues - of rejecting people's help - really?  Maybe, because I've learnt since at least 10 years ago to be strong, never to let anyone see my tear, or hear my sighs.  I learnt that I shouldn't let anyone look down on me just because I am a woman.  I learnt to brave it all.  Heck, at 8 months pregnant I was still climbing up Mount Singai and climbing up diesel tanks to check on my diesel supplies.  Do I have deep down issues?  Perhaps.  But then again, Galatian 6: 9 - 10 says "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.  So... it ain't gonna stop me from being stubbornly nice.  (Yes, I know, I need to learn to receive as well)

Here I am, being stubbornly nice - carry backpack load for 2 person.  Honestly, I was totally OK with the load!

2.  We all can adapt to the surrounding - but at our own pace.
Some of us could adapt immediately to the dirty-looking (but clean) water, freezing temperature, lack of food immediately.  Others, adapts slower.  Nonetheless, in the end, we all will get to "adaptation" point.  So give each one their own rightful space and time.

Here's our water source.  For everything lah - cooking, drink, mandi, toilet.  Water from tanah - got also sungai source.  But all natural "chinese-tea" colour.  Here the freezing-cold pond is used for baptism as well. Some people didn't want to drink the water at first :D

3.  We all tolerate different things at different times.
I hated the hike ups but can easily tolerate and maneuver muddy trails.  I know a certain friend who is a total opposite.  But we hiked up together pretty well.  That's what makes us, the family of God unique.  We need to use that to strengthen the Body; not tear it apart with our differences.

A glimpse of the muddy trail - taken from a friend's FB (tq Suilin)

4.  We all need to "re-open" our hearts to be more hospitable.  Love.  Unconditionally.
Being a city person, it's very hard to being hospitable without grumbles.  But I've re-learnt how to just open up and warmly invite others into one's family embrace.  I think, by nature, we are that way.  Open, trusting, welcoming.  And yet, with time and situation, we become cold.  It's time to rediscover that openness. 1 Peter 4: 9 - Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Thank you family for showing me this.

Ukab's dad, giving his welcome speech during the dinner when we returned from Mt. Murud.  What have we done to deserve such hospitality.  2 wildboars awaited us!

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5.  I really want a good camera and be good at taking pictures with it.

Some friends says I’m “late” in catching the wave of a craze e.g. Korean Drama series.  After other people cool down from the K-drama fever, only then did I begin mine.  And I realized, it’s the same with wanting a good camera as well.  My friend’s toys I reckon are packed somewhere at the back of their storeroom by now, and I have yet to want to own one.  However, during the time in Murud, I was privileged to be able to “steal” using an Uncle’s camera – I don’t know if he minded or not, I just assume that it’s OK (I know, my bad).  Well, I would never dare to do that with a friend’s camera – coz I know it’s like life and death but I felt that I needed to capture the shots when he was not able to.  It must have irritated him a whole lot.  After getting used to that camera, I felt no desire to use my smallish camera or my mobile anymore; thus explaining the lack of photos for this trip.  I found that I was not able to capture the moments, the atmosphere even with bigger cameras, what more with the small tiny one I had.  Well, it’s one thing to own a good DSLR, it’s another to be able to get good shots with it.  Seeing photos taken by both my awesome Uncles made me desire one even more.  So yes, hopefully next trip will see me having one and being able to capture good shots.  But I doubt I will be ready to lug the camera up the mountain like that certain Uncle did with so much care.  We’ll see.

One of the shots by Uncle # 1, of Uncle #2 and a very good looking old-ish uncle.  Good camera = Nice shots.

6.  I am a very jealous person – and I need to keep that in check

This fact I’ve known for the longest time.  That I am a very jealous person.  I get jealous over anything and everything – even the tiniest details.  Anything that threatens my position.  I was jealous many times during the whole trip, sometimes I was able to keep that in reign but unfortunately, most of the time, it was effort in vain.  I know many a times a certain honest friend would really give anything to knock some senses into my head (with a very hard piece of firewood!).  A fast reading of my palm’s jealousy line shows that I’m not a jealous person (I think it’s about 30% ONLY).  So…  Come on Di, get a grip. Love is patient, Love is kind.  It DOES NOT ENVY…. (1 Cor 13: 4 – 8).  Praying hard - need to act hard as well.

No pix for this point.  I'd hate to see my jealous face captured on camera!

7. I used to be a more pleasant person

Did life turned me into a cold hearted person?  I’m not too sure.  I have always thought that I wore my feelings on my sleeves, but after this trip, I find that many of that “emotions” are negative ones – anger, bitterness.   I used to be known as a friendly person during my younger days, one to smile readily on any occasion, at any time, in any situation.  I pray that after some surgery on the Mountain, I am ready to be my “old” pleasant self.

No pix for this as well! I'd hate to see my grouchy face captured on camera as well!

8.  I am a loner

Oh my! Since when???  It must be the age.  Yes, I still love having friends, but sometimes, I love being alone, listening to my own thoughts, or just being me.  No wonder, there's rarely any music in the car, there's long alone walks in the park, the continuous ironing - just for the sake of silence and being with only myself.  Don't get me wrong, I savour being with friends, but I don't mind my own company too :)  I especially savour the cool crisp night when we returned from Murud, sitting under the moon with a few dogs by my feet.  I should have went out to sit there alone earlier.

It was a beautiful night when we came down from Murud.  The moon was sooooo... amazing.  I missed the dogs who sat out in silence with me :D

9.  Forgiveness is a mere shoulder tap and a hug away

For the past 6 years, I had a terrible bitterness towards a certain person in my heart.  I tried hard to forgive and forget, but it just won’t go away.  Imagine my horror when I found out that this person is on the Mountain Trip as well!  I tried as much as I can to ignore all his biting comments, the “i-know-it-all” remarks and just be a peace.  But it was useless.  God wanted it a different way that I did.  Out of the 700 participants, it is “weird” that I bump into this person during the reconciliation session.   Just BUMP! HOW CAN IT BE?  I kept screaming at God – YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  But in a split second, my fingers on lightning speed decided to think on its own and tapped this person shoulder and as he turned around, at a look of his teary face, a hug went across.  My mouth too seems to have a mind of it’s own uttered over and over – mutuh do’ uih ko (I am sorry).  And we wept.  He wouldn't say it, wouldn't ask for forgiveness, but I don’t really care.  It was as healing as it possibly can be and I am healed despite him not apologizing.  For all I know, he might not realize it.  But his bitter wept said it all.  It’s done.  Forgiven.  I am ready to start anew.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  Thank you for Your Healing touch Lord.

God

10.  He answers our deep down cries - be it ready or not
Each person who went up had their own story to tell.  Some came with expectant hearts.  Some, didn't even know (or were too busy to know) that it's a Revival Meeting and came with no expectations at all.  But, God met us there.  He answered to our individual needs and all went back refreshed and revived in our own way.  I wanted to hear Him and I did.  Loud and clear.  Now I am ready for 2014 - God willing.  The next 4 months will be a time of preparation for 2014.  I know if He wants me to do what He's set me to do, He will give me joy and strength.

Though the road ahead may be winding, uphill and muddy, bah, biarlah, if it's God who leadeth me - maka tenanglah hatiku :)

It was an amazing trip.  Till today, I have yet grasp or able to capture the trip with words.  One thing for sure, Murud (and Ba Kelalan).... I will be back.

Missing Murud

No, I'm not done with my postings on Murud yet.  The last one is a bit tough, lots of thinking effort.

But.

The ever-welcoming warm fire in House No. 10

Darn.

The real summit of Mt. Murud - which I gladly did not conquer

I miss MURUD.

Going deeper into the river - Murud 4

House No. 10, where we spent most of our nights being pest and disturbing other people's beauty sleep!

3 days went by very quickly.  Our afternoons were spent visiting our friend's houses and being blessed.  Our nights were spent at Aunty Sipai's house - house number 10.  Before we know it, it was already time to go.

 We packed our things, and planned to leave at 5am on Monday.  But didn't leave till after breakfast, about 6.40am.  What fun time it was going down!  Knees hurt like mad, but still, with a lot of people infront and behind us, it was such a joy, with so much singing, jokes, teasing, laughing!  Arriving back to Lepo Bunga was a miracle.  We made it in 5 1/2 hours this time.  Some made it faster of course :) And that is with many "traffic jam" along the way.

The fullmoon was with us the whole trip... till we reached Buduk Nur for a wonderful feast of food and hearts

Arriving back in Buduk Nur was such a huge relief.  But it had made me get jumpy again!  The plan was to go to Long Beluyu that day and stay the night over with Uncle Balang.  But Uncle Brownie couldn't come that day to drive us to Long Beluyu.  Stress.... behind schedule!  But as I've learnt from Day 1, all is well at His own time.  We had a wonderful feast prepared for us by Uncle - Ukab's dad and I spent the night talking with those I used to be closed to, and also, seated outside with a dog under the moon while the rest chatted the night away.  All was well.

The feeling of "it's your home" was intense.  Ukab (my 2nd cousin) cooked for us that night.

Finally, we moved out from lovely Ba Kelalan with heavy hearts and hidden tears.  Dropped by Long Beluyu, saddened to see how the folks were getting older by the day, sorry that I didn't spend time with them, and yet, thankful, that we did drop by.  Moved on to Mararap Hot Spring, enjoyed the total complete silence and the wonderful luxurious dip in the beautiful pool.  Met more Uncle / Aunty along the way as well.

Specifically wanted the group (especially the city girls) to try the "hanging bridge".  I was terrified of crossing it when I was still a child.

Back to Lawas on Wednesday, had wonderful laksa at Ba Kelalan Rice Cafe - specially prepared for us only, even if the cafe was closed for the day.  What a beautiful end for a beautiful trip....

Going deeper into the river - Murud 3

Arriving in Murud was serious challenge.  The climb up unknowingly made me crazy tired and having no place to go, having still to run around looking for a house to stay, for lost friends, for bags yang entah where, and having being dump in a strange house, with no specific instruction / explanation, with strangers, made me finally just lie down and cried my eyes out.  Imagine, just the first few hours arriving and being on Holy Ground, here I was, crying and sobbing away.  But that was the antidote.  Felt much better after that.

Arriving at the church site.... I couldn't wait any longer and just went down down down.

I knew I was being bitchy, but according to an honest friend, I was just being stressed out about petty things.  How could I not be?  I had 4 friends with me, with no house, no food for any of them.  And I was supposed to be the one arranging for the trip!  Felt really bad...  But hey, God provided thus far kan?  He will continue to provide. The food came - which later I found out was more at the sacrificial love of the family! (What is it with the Lun Bawang; who so "macho"ly sacrifice for others?) Picked myself up, had a numbing shower with freezing cold water, ate simple food and smelt wonderfully of smoke all over :)

Just before the frantic search for the unknown

We rested that night, some of the gang adapted better, I think I was the worst at adapting.  Gasp!  When it was time to sleep, it was freakin' cold.  We heard that it would be cold, but never can I imagine, the wind blowing into my head even with a scarf wrapped around it!  Got up the next day, albeit late for morning prayers at 5.30am, then got ready for first session at 9am.  

Opening ceremony.  Samal, samal, kuan amung luk muneng iring Tuhan (Blessed, Blessed, are those who are close near the Lord)

I was ready to listen.  And I needed God to speak to me.  I didn't climb up for nothing!  And I heard him.  Loud and clear.  For the whole 3 days; 6 sessions, I heard Him.  What I am going to do with what I hear is another whole matter.  I certainly came expecting the unexpected and I went deeper into the river.  Ankle deep, knee deep, waist deep, till finally, swimming.  Ezekiel 47: 3 - 6.  

Going deeper into the river - Murud 2

News of continuous rain worried most, if not all of us.  No car, not even the most experienced drivers did not dare to drive up to Lepo Bunga; the 2nd base camp because of its dangerous, slippery condition.  And that will mean we need to walk from the base at 0km - and that will be a 3 days / nights hike up to Lepo Bunga.  But miraculously, the rain stopped 3 days before our arrival.  The roads dried up, the bulldozers could go to work leveling the muddy road and on the day we arrived, 2 amazing drivers braved the impossible to try the 2 hours drive up to Lepo Bunga and they made it!! Halleluyah!

Arrived in Lepo Bunga.  See all the cool handsome porters waiting for us to repack

As no prior arrangements were made with the drivers, we could not go up to Lepo Bunga immediately; which I thank the Lord for.  All was well in His time.  We rested, we repacked, we ate, we got acquainted with beautiful little Ba Kelalan and its people.  And we fell in love with the place.  Yes, I love my dad's kampung Long Beluyu, but it didn't stop me from loving Ba Kelalan.  We finally left around 1, with Uncles who didnt know what kind of trouble they were going to be in; just by being with us!

Overnight in a tent (from some), in the Pulung Tau Forest Reserve hut.  Thanking God for Uncles who think ahead to pack the tent for us

Reached camp 2 at about 3pm, and Uncle asked if we want to venture to the forest immediately.  Knowing that it was at least a 6 hours journey, I declined.  Didn't want to get stuck in the forest on a frosty night.  I thank God we decided to stay put for the night.  We made friends with not only from Indonesia and Korea, but we had the privilege to listen to the stories of Murud from the founder of the place itself; Ibu Bulan.  As we talked into the night, I am in awe, at how easily her eyes would be closed and her mouth would be muttering a prayer - at all times.  I wonder when prayer would come that easily to me.

Ibu Bulan with her "guardian angel".  Togs went all the way up with Ibu Bulan.

Night was chilly and frosty.  Slept in a little hut belonging to "Pulung Tau Forest Reserve".  But woke up with some moments of silence, sharing on songs for our seasons under the house in Lepo Bunga.  Then the hike up.  Yes, it was tough - for someone weighing 85kgs, and did not train.  But God sustained us.  We went really slow.  Too slow till it was testing a certain uncle's patience!  But we got through the first part - 2 hours upward climb.  Then rested some at Joy Bridge (Jambatan Sukacita), then hiked in the MUD for another 2 hours (which I found, I dont really mind!), then hiked up again "Bukit Pencobaan" to Batu Linanit (about 1 1/2 hours) (arrrggghhhhh, I hate hiking up) and then down to the church site (about an hour).  Total.... 6 1/2 hours tracking for us slow coaches!  Some made it faster, some slower.  But we all got there.

Happy that we reached Jambatan Sukacita - they said it would be easier after this... NO WAY!

Going deeper into the river - Murud 1

Has it been really that long since I've updated this blog?.... For the lack of place to pour my feelings, here I am, back to "My walk... my talk"

Murud... O Murud....

Me at Batu Linanit - 2211m up

Bought the tickets in January, and come July I was terrified because of the little training effort I've put in... I started to doubt myself - did I hear God correctly? Did He really called me to go up to Murud?  Did I choose the wrong year to go? Should I have waited till next year when the Revival Meeting is down at the valley i.e. Buduk Nur a.k.a. kampung instead?

One thing I was very sure about - I wanted to seek His face clearly in this 35th year of my life.  No, I didn't mere want to.  I needed to. I needed to know where and how to proceed with the balance of my life; if I'm lucky, that will be another 35 years to go.  I didn't want to waste those precious time, chasing and doing something meaningless.

As I prepared for the trip, little things were coming my way, showing that He indeed wanted me to be there, on top of His holy mountain.  But also, one by one "trials" came - the terrible knee ache, the bad road condition, the continuous rain, all threatening the trip.  But no, deep inside my heart, there was a deep peace, knowing that God will open a way, or give me extra portion of His strength to go up - be it 4 days 4 nights hike.  So there I was, in Ba' Kelalan, with 4 other ladies; all but 1 are close friends but none of which I had traveled with before.  Add that to here I am about to meet family members I have not seen for ages, or I have never seen before!

Us - me, Alie, Lydia, Bee Lian, Lui Lin

Meeting them one by one, opened up my heart not only to love felt from long ago - oh childhood infatuation! But more to pure sincere family love and hospitality.  From the touchdown, to all the last minute scramble to arrange the journey, to the easy "it's OK, I'll go with them", to the packing of things (ration) needed on top, to the walking ever SOOoooo.... slowly in the jungle, to the sacrifice of rice, OH!, how can I describe the love?  And this came from a family of whom I have either never met, or last met 25 years ago!  What have I done to receive such love?

Uncle Liaw (nicked Uncle Man), me, Uncle Pudun

Yes, the disbelieve look on a certain Uncle's face made us even more determined to go up.  We can do it - but ONLY if Christ is with us.  I bet some in the group must have thought "what on earth am I doing?  going up Sarawak's highest mountain??"  But in the adrenalin rush, packing was done and off we go.

Uncle Salutan & me

Part 2 coming up.... mau nangis sudah ni... too emosi. Haha...

Off we went up to Camp 2 - Lepo Bunga, here we come!