My heart hurts, hurts, hurts. I still can't. But I'm documenting this, lest I forget as I continue to block out memories of this pain. I have many photos of those "whirlwind" 3 weeks. But I hate looking at them. I miss my dad terribly.
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| We attended a wedding in Miri that weekend. All was well, or so I thought. How did I miss him being sick? What could I have done that might have not triggered his sickness? Why didn't I just pay to stay in a hotel to give him a comfortable rest? He was so tired because he didn't sleep well. DIANAA!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE??????????!!!! |
I have many regrets. Many. Many. I will document them when I'm ready, but I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself. Good thing no one reads here now. I can rant to myself.
Chronological. It's in Iban as this is a copy paste from my text with a schoolmate (whom father passed away just 2 weeks after Dad did)
26/4 we in miri. he perasan his tummy big. he tot bloated biasa. whole week nya he went to see 2 doctors. all give gave him gastric ubat and ubat to soften stool. and bomb to berak.
3/5 (a week after) - he asked to be sent to timberland. cannot breathe. did CTScan semua dah penuh fluid. so tebuk lubang drain the fluid. when the fluid dah kurang mimit, took biopsy. actually awal2 the doc oredi said it's most likely liver cancer, stage 4. but need biopsy to confirm
5 days in timberland. pulai. that time result dah keluar. liver stage 4 yang oredi metastatised from a primary. suspected stomach.
2 days later on 10/5, masuk Timberland baru. tebuk baru. doc suggested terus chemo.
13/5 - pindah to SGH (that's the gambar ambulance).
14/5 - start posa / drink fluid for scope next day
15/5 - postponed scope. he didnt drink abis his scope fluid.
16/4 - tried again to do scope. cannot laban oxygen dah drop. on machine. stll conscious and well.
17/5 - morning was still ok. noon passed away.
Till i find strength to write again.
